Written by: Kelly Bergersen
Sports are hard. Life is harder. The realm of athletics have cultivated strength, determination, and problem solving in our youth. Sports and extracurricular activities help to prepare children of all ages for the challenges they will have to face in the real world. Being exposed to failure is the best way to train yourself to react and respond appropriately for when something does not go your way. Sports are great.
Until they aren’t; until they consume you. A motto that should be universally understood is that “everything should be in moderation.” One sport in particular has put 21-year-old Anna over the edge. She shared her story in an exclusive interview.
“I have played lacrosse for my entire life. If I could guess when exactly I started, I’d say around 4-years-old. My dad played lacrosse in college and he even continued playing into his fifties. I guess you could say it runs in my blood. Fast forward to my own college experience, I struggled a lot. I played lacrosse at a division 1 university so the caliber of talent was through the roof. It was only until about the beginning of my sophomore year where I began to hit a steep and steady decline. My mental health was being challenged each and every day. I have always had anxiety, although I became very depressed within that time. I’ll give you a glimpse into my schedule for the fall semester: wake up at 4:45am to make a 5:30am lift, workout for an hour, then go directly to on-filed conditioning practice for another hour, only to have ten minutes to get dressed for our two (sometimes three) hour practice. By the time I finish my lacrosse and athletic responsibilities it clocked in around 11 o’clock. Beyond that I still had to manage my academic duties; depending on the day I would have class at noon which was a quick turnaround, or I would have to kill time before my three-hour evening class. All in all, I had a very difficult time adjusting to the rigor of this university both academics and athletics.”
Now imagine you’re in Anna’s shoes during this time—waking up at the crack of dawn, barely finding time to eat, sleep, and do schoolwork, not to mention the physical impact this has on your body. Her mental state was suffering most. She dropped 20 pounds and the light inside her began to dwindle. She started hanging out with her friends and teammates less and less. After a short while her friends became very worried about her. They tried to get her involved but there was a disconnect between them. Anna mood was primarily dictated by how well or not well she played in practice, or how she lifted or ran that day. She was originally recruited to be a starter for the squad, although fell short of her coaches’ expectations. She put up a wall and buried herself in training to be all that she was promised to be. Not long after she made these goals, she found herself in a very deep hole with no shovel to dig her out. When she kept on bottoming out and failing to reach her marks, her self-loathing became too much bear.
Trigger warning for those dealing with, or who have dealt with depression or struggled with mental health.
Anna went numb to anything but her own self-loathing. When she went home for winter break her sophomore year of college, she began self-harming. These patterns went on for weeks and she became very good at concealing her problems, both physically and mentally. She suffered in silence. Her friends grew more and more concerned, especially while she was without their care through the winter. Eventually, Anna wanted to give up her battle. She felt that there was no more to life than lacrosse and she has ruined it. Later in this exclusive interview Anna shared a bit more in depth about these low times in her life.
“These were some, if not the worst low points of my entire life. I let myself go so far that I was scared of what I could possibly do. At this point, I spoke with my friends. They were the only ones that ever really knew me for me. I am estranged from my family now so it has been especially difficult to navigate these waters without people like that. My friends became my family. I knew it wasn’t fair to burden them with all of these things, but it felt nice to know they would always be there for me. I battled back and today I am stronger than ever.”
Anna further expressed that she strived to gain perspective on life as a whole. That lacrosse was not all life had to offer, and that she was good enough. Fighting an internal battle is hard enough when you’re putting so much pressure on yourself, let alone external forces telling you what to do and how to live your life.
As a youngster, Anna loved sports. Today she has seemingly lost her spark, but gained her life back instead. Collegiate sports are not for everyone. And those that do compete, also need to have recognition that their sport does not define them. Today, we see too many student-athletes taking their own lives. Five of which died of suicide in just the spring semester of 2022 (https://www.psycom.net/student-mental-health/college-athletes-how-to-help). Generally speaking, there are more student-athletes that feel rundown, anxious, and depression that ever admit to it. Seeking help is the first step. This first step is exactly what saved Anna’s life. I can only hope and pray that more people feel comfortable to come forth and feel safe to open up.
Colleges and universities are trying to expand mental health awareness, but more needs to be done to combat this issue. It should be a joint effort and collaboration from the student -athletes becoming more vocal, the coaches and athletic staff becoming more understanding, and lastly more needs to be broadcasted for people to learn and understand options for when they do need or want help. Ultimately, this country is in the right direction, now we just need to do a better job of communicating among the various populations to ensure that we do right by our hardworking student-athletes.
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